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Rape Myth #7 - How to Spot a Rapist.
Oct. 14th, 2008 10:43 amOk, so we've talked about victim-blaming, yes? And we've talked about how you can't tell by looking at someone if they are are a rapist.
So, why the fuck are women's magazines FULL of articles on how to "Protect Yourself by Spotting Unsafe Guys?" Not only do they promise something they can't deliver, but it also puts the onus of not being raped on victims, as opposed to placing the onus of not raping people on rapists.
I repeat again, you can NOT tell if someone is a rapist by looking at them. Hell, sometimes you can't tell even if you're good friends and spend loads of time together. Frequently you can't tell until it's too late. Then, because society has spent all this time telling you that you SHOULD have been able to tell he was a rapist or you SHOULD have done more to protect yourself, you'll blame yourself for what happened to you, or try to rationalize it away, or blow it off as a one time thing and he'd never do that again...
Now, some of the survival tips offered in these magazine articles are not bad ideas, as much as it annoys me that they're necessary. Don't leave drinks unattended, if someone buys you a drink go up with them and take it directly from the bartender's hand, order it yourself so you know what you're getting, don't go off with someone you don't know, let someone know where you are, have a check-in agreement, etc... All shit that puts the onus on the would-be victim, and it really grinds my pepper that these things are necessary because there are people out there who cannot grasp the concept that they do not have the right to access another human being's body without their permission and enthusiastic participation.
But the fact remains that you can do all of these things and more, and still be raped. By someone you know. Remember, in 3/4 of reported sexual assaults, the victim knew her rapist.
Recently there was a case in the Midwest where a guy who was a rape crisis counselor, helped a friend back to her room when she was drunk, and sexually assaulted her, taking explicit pictures of her with his camera phone. It's too depressing to contemplate, because if you can't trust someone who is speaking up for rape victims, who the fuck can you trust?*
I mean, this guy was a self-identified male Feminist, he was a rape crisis counselor for fuck's sake.
You just can't tell.
*http://thecurvature.com/2008/08/02/update-on-kyle-payne/
He plea bargained down to lesser charges, so that the word assault does not appear in his conviction, but... yeah...
So, why the fuck are women's magazines FULL of articles on how to "Protect Yourself by Spotting Unsafe Guys?" Not only do they promise something they can't deliver, but it also puts the onus of not being raped on victims, as opposed to placing the onus of not raping people on rapists.
I repeat again, you can NOT tell if someone is a rapist by looking at them. Hell, sometimes you can't tell even if you're good friends and spend loads of time together. Frequently you can't tell until it's too late. Then, because society has spent all this time telling you that you SHOULD have been able to tell he was a rapist or you SHOULD have done more to protect yourself, you'll blame yourself for what happened to you, or try to rationalize it away, or blow it off as a one time thing and he'd never do that again...
Now, some of the survival tips offered in these magazine articles are not bad ideas, as much as it annoys me that they're necessary. Don't leave drinks unattended, if someone buys you a drink go up with them and take it directly from the bartender's hand, order it yourself so you know what you're getting, don't go off with someone you don't know, let someone know where you are, have a check-in agreement, etc... All shit that puts the onus on the would-be victim, and it really grinds my pepper that these things are necessary because there are people out there who cannot grasp the concept that they do not have the right to access another human being's body without their permission and enthusiastic participation.
But the fact remains that you can do all of these things and more, and still be raped. By someone you know. Remember, in 3/4 of reported sexual assaults, the victim knew her rapist.
Recently there was a case in the Midwest where a guy who was a rape crisis counselor, helped a friend back to her room when she was drunk, and sexually assaulted her, taking explicit pictures of her with his camera phone. It's too depressing to contemplate, because if you can't trust someone who is speaking up for rape victims, who the fuck can you trust?*
I mean, this guy was a self-identified male Feminist, he was a rape crisis counselor for fuck's sake.
You just can't tell.
*http://thecurvature.com/2008/08/02/update-on-kyle-payne/
He plea bargained down to lesser charges, so that the word assault does not appear in his conviction, but... yeah...
