I've started this post a dozen times.
Aug. 7th, 2008 03:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
polimicksSo here is the short and sweet version: Blaming rape victims. STOP DOING THAT!
The girl who was out partying with her friends and got slipped a roofie, didn't ask for it.
The girl who was drinking and passed out, didn't ask for it.
The 10 year old aboriginal girl who was gang-raped in Australia, didn't ask for it.
The girl who went someplace quiet with the boy who told her he loved her, didn't ask for it.
The woman who told her husband no, didn't ask for it.
Blaming a woman, anyone really, for their rape is like blaming someone who got hit by a drunk driver because they were out on the roads. After all, if they hadn't been walking, standing, driving around in public like that, the drunk driver couldn't have hit them, right?
If a woman just didn't drink, walk alone, spend time with someone she was attracted to or trusted, go dancing, dress suggestively, dress chastely, or really, just be female... she wouldn't be raped, right?
Women have a whole list of things that they aren't supposed to do in order to stay safe. A guy who works with educating boys that rape prevention IS THEIR BUSINESS once said asked a group I was part of how we could think we were a civilized society when half of our population lives under seige because of their biology.
And you know what? None of it makes any fucking difference. You can be raped regardless of how careful you are.
It's a terrifying realization. That you can do everything right, and still have everything go so very wrong.
And no one deserves to be raped. Ever. It is one of the most horrible things you can live through. It really, really is. It affects you in ways you can't imagine (and this goes for men who've been raped as well).
What makes rape so difficult, is that the majority of rapes aren't stranger rapes using a gun or knife. Most rapes are what is termed aquaintance rape, where the victim knows and trusts the perpetrator which is how he gains access to them in the first place. The perpetrator manipulates the victim via that trust, to get them in a situation where they can't fight back, or even if they do, it won't do any good. I was raped by the very nice boy who I took home to meet my parents, and who called them "Sir" and "Ma'am," who opened car doors for me, and brought me flowers at school, who told me I was beautiful and he would never, ever hurt me.
Aquaintance rapes violate you on two levels, physical and emotional. Ok all rapes do, but aquaintance rapes have an extra emotional impact. You trusted this person, and look what they did to you. You doubt yourself and your instincts. You think you deserved it, that you must have done something, worn something, said something, looked at him like you wanted it...
It really is one of the worst feelings you can ever imagine, trying to figure out what you did to deserve this. Particularly when the answer is, you didn't do anything to deserve it. No one deserves it.
Ok, I'm getting a little too keyed up about this. I can't write anymore right now. I'll try for more later.
The girl who was out partying with her friends and got slipped a roofie, didn't ask for it.
The girl who was drinking and passed out, didn't ask for it.
The 10 year old aboriginal girl who was gang-raped in Australia, didn't ask for it.
The girl who went someplace quiet with the boy who told her he loved her, didn't ask for it.
The woman who told her husband no, didn't ask for it.
Blaming a woman, anyone really, for their rape is like blaming someone who got hit by a drunk driver because they were out on the roads. After all, if they hadn't been walking, standing, driving around in public like that, the drunk driver couldn't have hit them, right?
If a woman just didn't drink, walk alone, spend time with someone she was attracted to or trusted, go dancing, dress suggestively, dress chastely, or really, just be female... she wouldn't be raped, right?
Women have a whole list of things that they aren't supposed to do in order to stay safe. A guy who works with educating boys that rape prevention IS THEIR BUSINESS once said asked a group I was part of how we could think we were a civilized society when half of our population lives under seige because of their biology.
And you know what? None of it makes any fucking difference. You can be raped regardless of how careful you are.
It's a terrifying realization. That you can do everything right, and still have everything go so very wrong.
And no one deserves to be raped. Ever. It is one of the most horrible things you can live through. It really, really is. It affects you in ways you can't imagine (and this goes for men who've been raped as well).
What makes rape so difficult, is that the majority of rapes aren't stranger rapes using a gun or knife. Most rapes are what is termed aquaintance rape, where the victim knows and trusts the perpetrator which is how he gains access to them in the first place. The perpetrator manipulates the victim via that trust, to get them in a situation where they can't fight back, or even if they do, it won't do any good. I was raped by the very nice boy who I took home to meet my parents, and who called them "Sir" and "Ma'am," who opened car doors for me, and brought me flowers at school, who told me I was beautiful and he would never, ever hurt me.
Aquaintance rapes violate you on two levels, physical and emotional. Ok all rapes do, but aquaintance rapes have an extra emotional impact. You trusted this person, and look what they did to you. You doubt yourself and your instincts. You think you deserved it, that you must have done something, worn something, said something, looked at him like you wanted it...
It really is one of the worst feelings you can ever imagine, trying to figure out what you did to deserve this. Particularly when the answer is, you didn't do anything to deserve it. No one deserves it.
Ok, I'm getting a little too keyed up about this. I can't write anymore right now. I'll try for more later.
