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Rape Myth #2: She owed me.
You know, I should just start everyone of these posts with the word "Bullshit."
Here's the deal, sunshine. No one owes you access to their body, ever. Never ever. Never, ever, never. Never, ever, never, ev... You get the idea.
There is not thing one you can do to make someone owe you access to their body. We'll discuss sex-workers later, and the answer is still no.* But for right now, let us just discuss dating relationships.
Now according to RAINN.ORG, you can find the link in the last post, about 73% of all rapes are committed by someone the victim knew. Boyfriend, friend, family member, co-worker... Seventy-fucking-three percent. But we'll get to the myth of "Stranger Rape" later.**
A common reasoning for raping women (there are many, and we'll work our way down the list eventually) is that a woman "owes" a man sex for buying her a drink, dinner, taking her to a movie, driving her somewhere, buying her a gift, being married to her...
No one ever owes you sex.
I don't care if you're married and the sole bread-winner. I don't care if you splurged on tickets to a Tony Award-winning play. Hell, I don't even care if you bought her a Happy Meal and a coke.
No one ever owes you sex.
If you would like to have sex with someone, why don't you try being the sort of person they want to have sex with? You know, nice, respectful, not a strong-arming, entitlement-minded douche who feels it's his right to take what he wants by force, drugging or coercion.
I don't even know how to explain it any clearer than that. I just can't. Honestly, and any situation you can come up with, in which you THINK someone could possibly owe you sex...? Just picture me standing there with a bat or a hockey stick, smacking it against my palm, saying repeatedly, "No."
I mean, shit, I can't even make that funny. There is no cute and clever way to state what SHOULD be obvious to any creature with half a brain on this planet and any other.
YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO ANOTHER PERSON'S BODY, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER... GOT IT?
I'm serious. And I don't want to hear a single fucking word about how you spent so much time or money or effort. No, doesn't matter. No one owes you sex. No one owes you access to their body. No one. NO ONE. *insert image of me with baseball bat*
*I said, we'll get to that later.
**This is part of why these posts are so difficult. They just keep leading to more and more things to discuss and refute. I'm trying to remain disciplined about this.
Here's the deal, sunshine. No one owes you access to their body, ever. Never ever. Never, ever, never. Never, ever, never, ev... You get the idea.
There is not thing one you can do to make someone owe you access to their body. We'll discuss sex-workers later, and the answer is still no.* But for right now, let us just discuss dating relationships.
Now according to RAINN.ORG, you can find the link in the last post, about 73% of all rapes are committed by someone the victim knew. Boyfriend, friend, family member, co-worker... Seventy-fucking-three percent. But we'll get to the myth of "Stranger Rape" later.**
A common reasoning for raping women (there are many, and we'll work our way down the list eventually) is that a woman "owes" a man sex for buying her a drink, dinner, taking her to a movie, driving her somewhere, buying her a gift, being married to her...
No one ever owes you sex.
I don't care if you're married and the sole bread-winner. I don't care if you splurged on tickets to a Tony Award-winning play. Hell, I don't even care if you bought her a Happy Meal and a coke.
No one ever owes you sex.
If you would like to have sex with someone, why don't you try being the sort of person they want to have sex with? You know, nice, respectful, not a strong-arming, entitlement-minded douche who feels it's his right to take what he wants by force, drugging or coercion.
I don't even know how to explain it any clearer than that. I just can't. Honestly, and any situation you can come up with, in which you THINK someone could possibly owe you sex...? Just picture me standing there with a bat or a hockey stick, smacking it against my palm, saying repeatedly, "No."
I mean, shit, I can't even make that funny. There is no cute and clever way to state what SHOULD be obvious to any creature with half a brain on this planet and any other.
YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO ANOTHER PERSON'S BODY, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER... GOT IT?
I'm serious. And I don't want to hear a single fucking word about how you spent so much time or money or effort. No, doesn't matter. No one owes you sex. No one owes you access to their body. No one. NO ONE. *insert image of me with baseball bat*
*I said, we'll get to that later.
**This is part of why these posts are so difficult. They just keep leading to more and more things to discuss and refute. I'm trying to remain disciplined about this.
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http://community.livejournal.com/polyamory/2574426.html
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Sex as control and maniplulation is also sadly something that happens- and shouldn't.