I am not a role model.

[polimicks]

AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Yet again, I am slapped full in the face by the reality that several of my sub-cultures are full of people who, in the immortal words of loree, are "trying to drag everybody into the Self-Sabotage Conga Line" of their dysfunction. This, by the way, made me spit tea all over my monitor when she typed into IM, and was rapidly followed by "dah-dah-dah-dah-DAH-FAIL! dah-dah-dah-dah-DAH-FAIL!" loree is made of win.

One of the big reasons I'm not more open with non-friends about being bi, poly or kinky is that when any of these words are mentioned, people immediately get a mental image of one of the type of people I absolutely fucking hate. Kind of like why I don't tell people I'm Wiccan very often. It comes down to my lack of desire to "spin control" every facet of my life. Yeah, it's great that I'm a "good" example of all of those things, plus several others. It's great that I'm a non-stinky, female gamer, that I'm a non-flakey, clothes-wearing Wiccan, that I'm a Sub in the bedroom and a real person out of it, that I have relationships with more than one person and not to try to save a marriage going down in flaming wreckage, or find ways to cheat in the bounds of the "open" relationship.

I am, however, also under no obligation to be your poster child.

Which, unfortunately, leads to volunteer poster children as the symbols of my sub-cultures who I'd rather set on fire than admit any similarities to.

Plus, the media would have NOTHING to do with me as a poster child, I'm too boring. I go to work, I go home, I knit, I play with my pets, I have kinky sex with my Boy, I see my girlfriend when time permits... I game. I don't wave swords around my backyard while naked, I don't live as the Boy's "slave," and I try not to cross the boundaries of my own relationship or anyone else's. It's like when Ogre and I see stories on "Violent Skinheads" it just cracks us up. I mean, sure all the Skins we know fight on occasion, but mostly they sit around listening to music, smoking and drinking. Most Trad skins are just as boring as, well, most poly, kinky, Wiccan folk.

Seriously, I have little patience for people who get into "scenes" in order to be outre, shocking or deviant. And most other folks in those scenes feel the same way, because this week you're Goth, or Kinky, or Bi, or Poly and next week you'll be Macro-biotic, Vegan, in PETA, or whatever trips your trigger that week. And I have no problem with people finding themselves by trying a lot of new things, but by the same token if you tell me your main motivation is "freaking the mundanes" then don't get at all upset when I utterly dismiss you. That shit was cute when I was 19, I'm in my 30s now and it has long since ceased to be entertaining.

All I ask, is that if you feel the need to "represent" that you try not to make us all look like dickheads, ok? Really. Don't talk about your "Master/Slave" relationships to work people, don't chat about Fae Magicks in line at Starbucks and don't try to fuck people in committed non-poly relationships to make yourself feel better about "Lake You."

Just try to be a human being who happens to have a few strange interests, hobbies, proclivities, not a strange interest, hobby, proclivity who happens to be a human being.

Comments

[garpu.livejournal.com]

*grin* As a mundane, I kind of like it when people try to freak me out. After living in Seattle and Los Angeles before that, not much does. It harshes their squee, when I don't react.

I certainly don't say that I'm a Christian, because I don't want people tossing me in with the megachurch-going, Amy Grant-listening, Biblical inerrantist whackjobs. I'm more likely to say I'm Catholic, but that has another host of associations with it that aren't true. So it's just easier if religion doesn't come up at all.

[kashma.livejournal.com]

This is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I am a Christian, but certainly not a "megachurch-going, Amy Grant-listening, Biblical inerrantist whackjob" as you so rightly put it.

But, on the other hand, if I don't at least put myself out there as Christian, but a different sort than people might assume, I let the inerrant whackjobs define what Christian is. So I put myself out there. Because it's my label, too.

[sirriamnis.livejournal.com]

This is the problem I run into being a gamer/kinky/bi/poly/Wiccan... Those are my labels, and part of me says, "Yes, I should be letting people know that we're not all freaks" but another part of me says, "But it always leads to long, boring, irritating discussions that require a white board and a podium."

[kashma.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, totally. I know exactly what you mean. Explaining things like religion, or sexuality for that matter, to folks who usually have a pile of assumptions and often rather negative opinions about things they know little about is always hard.

So, like I say, I struggle with it. Sometimes, I engage, sometimes I don't. The Buddhists talk about "skillful means", which in these situations I think implies that you might be better off saving your energy to talk with someone who might be willing to actually hear you.

Surely, sometimes, you have had honest, good communications with someone on these issues?

[sirriamnis.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and sometimes I've spent two hours banging my head against the brick wall of someone's preconceptions.

[kashma.livejournal.com]

Well, sure.

Some folks aren't really wanting to communicate, and there's very little you can do about it.

In fact, I've been thinking a lot about this - I think that more often than not, our culture fosters a model of communication that isn't very communicative - more just shouting things at each other.

Sometimes there are ways to penetrate the armor, as it were. But often, there aren't.