Rape Myth #6 - Stranger Rape
Oct. 9th, 2008 08:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
polimicksOk, so this should actually be a later number than 6, but I quit numbering at five and I'm too lazy to go back and re-number, so this is six. Just add some .5's and .25's to the rest of the rape posts. Edited to fix numbers. I fail at numbering.
Now, way back when, in Rape Myth #1 I think, we covered that 73% of all reported rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. Which means that of all rapes reported, a little over a quarter are/may have been committed by a stranger. Now, that's only of reported rapes. I don't know if research bears this out, but I have a sneaky suspicion that if you could look at all rapes, that a lot of the unreported ones go unreported BECAUSE the victim knew the rapist.
Now, since 3/4 of reported rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, why on earth is the "Stranger Rapist" the standard, if you will, of real rape?
Ready for the theories?
First of all, by creating this bogeyman of the "Stranger Rapist" this allows women to set up (demonstrably false) safeguards to protect themselves. They'd never invite a stranger into their home. They don't walk alone after dark. They don't walk near bushes. They carry pepper spray. Etc... As I've mentioned before it's like with people who seem to think that being thin is some talisman against ill health who are utterly shocked when they have a heart attack at 45 in spite of having a perfect BMI or some shit.
Second, no one wants to think they know someone who would rape anyone, let alone them. And this is where the victim-blaming really gets bad. You know Guy A, Guy A rapes Girl B. Girl B reports it, but YOU KNOW Guy A, and he would never do something like that because you would KNOW if he were that kind of guy, and wouldn't hang out with him. So obviously that whore is falsely accusing him, or she tempted him into it, or did something to deserve it, or, or, or...
Look, everyone knows someone. Every rapist has a mother and a father, probably siblings, co-workers, acquaintances, that guy at the corner store who sells them their cigarettes or fruit smoothies, the nice old lady down the street they do chores for. Rapists do not exist in some sort of bizarre Rapist Dimension and get teleported over here to victimize people out of the blue. They don't, they're here all the time and you probably know at least one. And you won't know it. And this will lead to another post on "You can't spot a rapist."
You are far more at risk of being raped hanging out somewhere familiar with someone you know, than when you're walking down the street. You just are. Granted, I am not advocating walking down dark streets alone, because apart from rape there's also just plain assault, robbery and muggings to worry about, not to mention getting hit by some asshole who isn't paying attention to his driving. But seriously, you can take all the safeguards in the world, and while it might lower your chances of being raped, it won't erase them entirely.
And I can't even tell you that you can do it by avoiding men entirely, because women can rape as well.
So you'd pretty much have to just live in an iron box to which no one else had access ever, ever, ever, to insure that you didn't get raped. But that's neither very practical, nor does it sound very fun.
But that's essentially what people are advocating when they put the responsibility of avoiding rape on the shoulders of its victims. Rape is never the fault of the victim, it is the fault of the rapist. And I don't know if I will ever be able to repeat that enough. Even if the rapist is Arnold from next door who is the nicest boy and carries groceries for Old Mrs. McGregor and is an Eagle Scout.
See, acquaintance rapists rely on the stereotype of the "Stranger Rapist" to shield them. How could they have raped Girl (or Boy) X, they knew them, dated them even. Why that's just laughable. They're not some maniac leaping out of the bushes in a deserted park in the middle of the night. They were just chillin' in X's rec room watching videos and one thing led to another, and well, they understand X is ashamed of what happened, but rape?
Yeah, it's pretty fucking insidious, isn't it? And so lulling. And so very, very wrong.
Now, way back when, in Rape Myth #1 I think, we covered that 73% of all reported rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. Which means that of all rapes reported, a little over a quarter are/may have been committed by a stranger. Now, that's only of reported rapes. I don't know if research bears this out, but I have a sneaky suspicion that if you could look at all rapes, that a lot of the unreported ones go unreported BECAUSE the victim knew the rapist.
Now, since 3/4 of reported rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, why on earth is the "Stranger Rapist" the standard, if you will, of real rape?
Ready for the theories?
First of all, by creating this bogeyman of the "Stranger Rapist" this allows women to set up (demonstrably false) safeguards to protect themselves. They'd never invite a stranger into their home. They don't walk alone after dark. They don't walk near bushes. They carry pepper spray. Etc... As I've mentioned before it's like with people who seem to think that being thin is some talisman against ill health who are utterly shocked when they have a heart attack at 45 in spite of having a perfect BMI or some shit.
Second, no one wants to think they know someone who would rape anyone, let alone them. And this is where the victim-blaming really gets bad. You know Guy A, Guy A rapes Girl B. Girl B reports it, but YOU KNOW Guy A, and he would never do something like that because you would KNOW if he were that kind of guy, and wouldn't hang out with him. So obviously that whore is falsely accusing him, or she tempted him into it, or did something to deserve it, or, or, or...
Look, everyone knows someone. Every rapist has a mother and a father, probably siblings, co-workers, acquaintances, that guy at the corner store who sells them their cigarettes or fruit smoothies, the nice old lady down the street they do chores for. Rapists do not exist in some sort of bizarre Rapist Dimension and get teleported over here to victimize people out of the blue. They don't, they're here all the time and you probably know at least one. And you won't know it. And this will lead to another post on "You can't spot a rapist."
You are far more at risk of being raped hanging out somewhere familiar with someone you know, than when you're walking down the street. You just are. Granted, I am not advocating walking down dark streets alone, because apart from rape there's also just plain assault, robbery and muggings to worry about, not to mention getting hit by some asshole who isn't paying attention to his driving. But seriously, you can take all the safeguards in the world, and while it might lower your chances of being raped, it won't erase them entirely.
And I can't even tell you that you can do it by avoiding men entirely, because women can rape as well.
So you'd pretty much have to just live in an iron box to which no one else had access ever, ever, ever, to insure that you didn't get raped. But that's neither very practical, nor does it sound very fun.
But that's essentially what people are advocating when they put the responsibility of avoiding rape on the shoulders of its victims. Rape is never the fault of the victim, it is the fault of the rapist. And I don't know if I will ever be able to repeat that enough. Even if the rapist is Arnold from next door who is the nicest boy and carries groceries for Old Mrs. McGregor and is an Eagle Scout.
See, acquaintance rapists rely on the stereotype of the "Stranger Rapist" to shield them. How could they have raped Girl (or Boy) X, they knew them, dated them even. Why that's just laughable. They're not some maniac leaping out of the bushes in a deserted park in the middle of the night. They were just chillin' in X's rec room watching videos and one thing led to another, and well, they understand X is ashamed of what happened, but rape?
Yeah, it's pretty fucking insidious, isn't it? And so lulling. And so very, very wrong.
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-10 05:03 am (UTC)NOT even remotely forgivable, IMHO.
I've heard other women threaten it(sorry, I've never heard a guy threaten seriously to accuse someone of rape), and know of at least one person who accused someone of rape out of revenge for him being an asshole (she was a virgin and admitted it). Luckily the case was dismissed.
I'm of the opinion that falsely accusing someone of rape is as bad as the act itself. It means real victims don't get taken seriously, you could completely ruin someone's entire life.
Imagine what sex offenders go through: You have to notify your neighborhood where you live, and the only thing they know about you is that you're a sex offender. You're not allowed to go near schools, and will never have custody of a child. You can't get a job that does background checks-ever. That means no income, no benefits.
And that's if you don't get killed in prison. Prisoners are allowed access to the records of everyone they're serving time with, and are generally brutal to sex offenders. Knowing about the above, getting killed by prison inmates might be a blessing.
If you're raped, by all means report it before it happens to someone else; chances are there will be others who'll back you.
But by gawd, find another way to deal with someone who's just pissed you off or is being a pain.
There are women very close to me who've been attacked or raped by total strangers, but I don't think locking yourself away and always requiring an escort is the answer; This isn't Iran.
Go where you want to go, carry a weapon, learn how to use it, make it clear that you are fucking DANGEROUS. If rapists realized that attacking someone was tanamount to arm-wrestling a hungry polar bear, I think they'd be more inclined to keep it a fantasy.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-10 05:13 am (UTC)Really.
As a means of revenge, it sucks and costs the accuser nearly as much if not more than the accused.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-10 06:01 am (UTC)but "my ex-boyfriend pissed me off, and i'm going to tell all our joint friends he raped me, so they'll hate him, and be *my* friends now"... kindof... isn't.
thank god those level accusations actually ARE likely to be found out... it's a fairly serious lie to keep up the (fake) emotional impact of it for very long, and god forbid the couple in question actually gets back together. my girl and i know one person in particular who did that... and after she got back together with her accused rapist ex-boyfriend she actually said "oh, yeah, i was just really mad... but i forgave him". we haven't spoken to her since. 0_o
no subject
Date: 2008-10-10 03:15 pm (UTC)And I doubt the one will ever do it again, because I had to be physically restrained from beating her with a mike stand, while screaming at her that what she had just done was raping other women all over again.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-11 12:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-11 12:03 am (UTC)